Thursday, May 3, 2012

Missing You

Have you ever noticed that certain smells or sounds remind you of someone?  Lately, that has been happening to me.  My loved ones, who are now deceased have been on my mind.  The smell of spring and the sounds of certain birds remind me of my paternal grandmother, whom I was very close.  She passed away in May of 1992, but it seems like yesterday when I last spoke with her.  I often wonder what she would think of me as a grandmother myself.  I miss our heart to heart conversations and her no nonsense advice.  I only wish she didn't pass, before my children could truly know her.  Her strength and perseverance in life was one of the traits I'd admired most about her.  Raising my dad by herself and working to support them both.  Never thinking of herself, only of her son.  My grandfather had an affair and divorced her when my father was two years old.  My grandmother never married until my father was married himself.  She read the bible daily and her walk was a testimony to her faith.  Her greatest commitment was also her worst.  She spoiled my dad and gave her undivided attention to him always putting him first.  My dad in return, became a narcissistic person.  It could have been a inherited genetically from my grandfather, who knows.  I'm not saying my dad was a bad father, I'm saying his own flaws sometimes interfered with his parenting and spousal responsibilities.  

Dad with my son Sean and granddaughter Kadence
Dad passed away in February this year, I was able to spend the last few days with him and for that I am grateful.  I miss his smile and how he would call me "schatzi" (sweetheart in German). I have two voice massages from my dad saved on my cell phone.  In them, he refers to me as "schatzi", I love that I can still hear his voice.  When I start missing him, I will listen to my voice mail, it makes me smile.  I am so glad I saved those messages from over a year ago.  I know time is suppose to heal your heart, but when you've lost a loved one, time stands still. Your memories are like they were here yesterday. 

Making memories are what we should be doing each day with our loved ones.  Spending quality time with family and friends.  Yahuwah never promised us tomorrow, so it's important to live each day as though it is our last.  I'm not talking about reckless behavior and focusing on yourself. I'm talking about walking out your life so that when you leave this world, people remember you as a testimony to our Heavenly Father.  Ultimately, it is Him whom you represent and how He worked in your life.  With that, I'll close this post for now and go and spend time with my wonderful daughter. 

1 comment:

  1. It would have been nice to have known Grandma Gigi now that I am older, perhaps one day I will get the chance to meet her again.
    I miss Bubba, wish I would have been able to have known him better as a grandpa.