Thursday, May 10, 2012

Exicted

This has been a very productive week.  Lawn is mowed, gardens weeded and landscaping trimmed.  We (my daughter and I) finished putting new flagstone around the Koi pond.  The yard and landscape looks fantastic!  I couldn't have done it without my daughter thought.  She is a huge help. 

I was busy getting everything done, so that if I didn't have to work tomorrow (Friday), I could keep my grand kids for the day so their mommy can have a day out with a friend.  I wanted to be able to play with he kids without feeling guilty for not getting any of my chores finished.  NOW, I won't feel guilty.  I've been thinking of all these fun things to do and have a day of play planned.   I'm going to have my husband get the baby pool out and we'll fill it up so they can swim.  We'll go to the park and take a walk and possibly stop by the library.  Of course, I'll take lots of pictures and hopefully get some really good ones for their mom and dad.  Well, I'm off to bed so I can get plenty of sleep.  I know they'll wear me out before they wear out.  I'm so grateful that my grandchildren are so close and I am blessed to see them daily.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Appreciation

Have you ever noticed when you are not feeling so well suddenly doing the smallest task seems impossible?  For the last week my back has been out, not in just one place but several.  Lifting, sleeping, sitting etc. all hurt.  While lying in bed this morning with heat on my back I thought to myself, it sure would be nice if I felt good enough to mow the lawn.  Then I thought, I really need to clean the house and I want to bake some oatmeal cookies for my husband.  All the while, I lay there and knew I didn't have it in me to accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish.  So, I began to pray.  Several scriptures came to mind and I realized, I didn't have to lie there in bed feeling worthless and bummed.  I chose to lie there. 

My point being this, many people do NOT have the choice because of physical deformities or paralysis etc.  They would gladly take a few aches and pains to be able to mow the lawn or bake cookies.  We make what we want out of life, good or bad.  Maybe I won't get the lawn mowed today or deep clean the house, but my husband will have oatmeal cookies today.  I can at least bless him.  Choosing to endure through life's struggles; be it physical pain, emotional pain or spiritual pain is our choice. Being complacent is also our choice. I know I appreciate this beautiful day and am grateful to be able be out of bed and up enjoying the family.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Missing You

Have you ever noticed that certain smells or sounds remind you of someone?  Lately, that has been happening to me.  My loved ones, who are now deceased have been on my mind.  The smell of spring and the sounds of certain birds remind me of my paternal grandmother, whom I was very close.  She passed away in May of 1992, but it seems like yesterday when I last spoke with her.  I often wonder what she would think of me as a grandmother myself.  I miss our heart to heart conversations and her no nonsense advice.  I only wish she didn't pass, before my children could truly know her.  Her strength and perseverance in life was one of the traits I'd admired most about her.  Raising my dad by herself and working to support them both.  Never thinking of herself, only of her son.  My grandfather had an affair and divorced her when my father was two years old.  My grandmother never married until my father was married himself.  She read the bible daily and her walk was a testimony to her faith.  Her greatest commitment was also her worst.  She spoiled my dad and gave her undivided attention to him always putting him first.  My dad in return, became a narcissistic person.  It could have been a inherited genetically from my grandfather, who knows.  I'm not saying my dad was a bad father, I'm saying his own flaws sometimes interfered with his parenting and spousal responsibilities.  

Dad with my son Sean and granddaughter Kadence
Dad passed away in February this year, I was able to spend the last few days with him and for that I am grateful.  I miss his smile and how he would call me "schatzi" (sweetheart in German). I have two voice massages from my dad saved on my cell phone.  In them, he refers to me as "schatzi", I love that I can still hear his voice.  When I start missing him, I will listen to my voice mail, it makes me smile.  I am so glad I saved those messages from over a year ago.  I know time is suppose to heal your heart, but when you've lost a loved one, time stands still. Your memories are like they were here yesterday. 

Making memories are what we should be doing each day with our loved ones.  Spending quality time with family and friends.  Yahuwah never promised us tomorrow, so it's important to live each day as though it is our last.  I'm not talking about reckless behavior and focusing on yourself. I'm talking about walking out your life so that when you leave this world, people remember you as a testimony to our Heavenly Father.  Ultimately, it is Him whom you represent and how He worked in your life.  With that, I'll close this post for now and go and spend time with my wonderful daughter.