Thursday, May 21, 2009

Santuary of Marriage

While reading the morning local news, I came across an interesting story. A man that had come back from the Iraq war did not go home to his wife and 5 children. He met and married another woman. The first wife found out about his marriage when her mother saw him getting married on a Valentine's day wedding special. The first wife then proceeded with filing bigamy charges against her husband. Sadly enough, this isn't the weirdest part of the story. The criminal charges against her husband were dropped. His attorney claims that the husband has post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) and did not think he was married. Let me explain that statement for you. His first wife and he were in the process of getting a divorce, but decided to work things out for the kids. The husband claims his PTSD did not allow him to remember the "reconciliation" part, therefore he went on with his life. At this time, the man is married to two women until one of them files for divorce.

I have mentioned in my other blogs how disappointing our society has become. The "throw away" mentality is destroying our lives. In our marriage vows we make a covenant agreement before our heavenly Father. That part in the marriage ceremony when you repeat what the person performing the marriage says and then say "I do". That would be the vow! I believe the statements where you agree to the " better or worse , in sickness and in health, in richer and poorer"are the parts of the vow people forget.

I've been married 23 yrs, and trust me when I say we have had the worse, poorer and sickness part in our marriage. Those things just don't seem to matter, because you know that there will be the better, richer and health part. If it wasn't for the hard times we wouldn't appreciate the good times. Marriage is work and you have to put into it what you want out of it. It's about serving another person before yourself. It's not what can you do for me, it's what can I do for you. Where did our idealogy change? When will we come back to a foundation?

We are raising up another generation with the "throw away" mentality. At some point we need to realize we are responsible for the moral destruction of our society and go back to the ways of old. When your word meant something. So next time you speak, remember someone might hold you accountable for what you say.


  1. Thought provoking. Thank you for sharing this. Great Read.

  2. hey there! nice blog.. miss chatting!!

  3. Hey t here...miss chatting with you too. You'll have to give us a call :)

  4. Wow...what a story.
    I've been married for almost 37 years.
    I believe in traditional marriage and the sanctity of it, as well.
    Moral values have changed so much.
    People give up on their marriage so quickly these days.

  5. GulfGAl...I agree...whatever happened to traditional values????

  6. Actually, the PTSD part COULD be true, though in this case I suspect not. If you haven't suffered from PTSD then you can't know what it's like. Lots of missing pieces of time, some you know about and some eludes you for years to get back.

    Have a military wife friend this kind of situation happened to recently. The husband met a woman online while he was in Iraq and then dumped wife number 1 and kids, married the online woman. Just out of the blue - no reason, nothing!

    The biggest problem here is that the military does NOTHING for the wife and kids. They don't prepare them for divorce when a soldier gets back from a war zone. Divorces are common at about 55% coming back from war - all the way up to 85% for Special Forces guys war or no war.

    This situation stinks. It stinks worse when society does nothing to prepare women for this strong possibility. Women invest far more in their marriages then men do for the first 25 years. After that mark, women start to lose interest and it's the men who suddenly feel more committed! Fancy that; the worm has turned! When men hit middle-age they get more serious about growing up, realizing how they impact those around them. That's usually when they start the process of repair with the wife and the kids.

    I've been married for decades. My philosophy is to always be ready for anything. So far it's worked quite well. I don't get disappointed, impatient or frustrated.

    As to a throw-away society, yes, true! It's up to older women to re-teach good character and committment - and beyond just the rules which no one hears any more anyway. After enough life experience we see the consequences of this cavalier attitude and how it plays out over time.

    Teach in order to change things for the better!

    Thanks for visiting me over at my blog The Social Poets, much appreciated!

  7. are so right about PTSD. I have several friends that have this ailment. Their experiences in war have changed their life. My heart aches for them. You make a very good point that the PTSD could have effected this mans decision. It takes a strong woman to stay commited to a relationship, while their husbands go through changes. I've been married for 23 yrs..both my husband and I have had our shares of being patient with the other while they change. Marriage is work...but worth it in the end. Thank you so much for your insight.